Feb 14, 2012
I Love How You Love Me sung by Bobby Vinton
Today is Valentine's Day. A day where every loving couple shared their moments of love with each other. Different people do it differently. Those who can splurge on good things would take a holiday perhaps, others go for candle-lit dinners of good food and wine. And then there are the many hopefuls out there wishing , and waiting for that someone who is just perfect for them to come along.
Benny and I have loved each other since the day we met..and that was in July 1986. I remembered it clearly because it was about the time after my birthday in late June which I celebrated alone...yet again. Feeling depressed, and lonely, I seek my solace in Suzie, my best friend from school. And she said "Gina, I'll figure it out for you. Give me time to find someone for you."
And yes, she did. She sent Benny to me a few weeks later.
Its been such a beautiful journey I made for Love. And it was planned that Benny and I would spent the rest of our lives together like Valentine's Day. So we did things for each other, say silly love words to each other, every day, every moment of our lives. How time flies, its been 6 months now since he quit his full time (good paying) job to be with me. To work with me and side by side.
I won't say its easy. Initially we had fights, big and small. We came head on clashes with each other. I was always head-strong in everything. Being the youngest at home, my parents spoilt me silly. Always, Benny would give in to me. All the time! But when we work together, he was out of his comfort zone. A place he used to work where he reigns over all. Now I seem to have the say of everything and anything. And his pride was hurt.
I learnt quickly that a man needs to have his day all the time at work. A day his pride is at the best. So I went to God and ask that He humbled me and mellow my overly eager spirit to rule everything and anything. And then God told me "Be the wife in the Bible. The one which the Book of Proverbs spoke of..the woman who puts her family first. And like a servant, she humbles herself in front of her husband. Where she is loved and adored. "
And so, here I am, re-born you might say. And then I looked back in all my years as his wife, I realised that I was always in the background. Always the one who plays the soft and subtle music. The person who stood behind, never in front. The one who spoke only when spoken to.
In the recent months, I wrote funny status quotes about "My boss" at Facebook and people replied "I thought you are the boss?". And then I said "no, I am the one who sweeps the floor, clean the table, wash the dishes and make kopi(coffee)". In short it meant that for as long as Benny works with me in the shop, in our business, he is head of the household, the boss in the company.
We do things together. We seek each other's opinions on everything. I learnt to humble myself and spoke to him as if we are still dating. No more raised tones, no more harsh notes. If I am upset, I show my displeasure. If he is angry, he shows his temper. But all these never passes a day. We end our days with a happy note.
Recently there was sales order we had and it was to be delivered to the customer's residence. I couldn't go with him as I had guests in our studio..TV crew, Mediacorp artistes came to ask me things for their upcoming TV program.
So I told Benny :
"So today you go alone..please drive carefully..slow down if you can. If you are lost on the road, just ring the customer to tell her. "
And then he said "no worries, I got the GPS on, I will figure my way there"
He did his deliveries and drove home. When he reached home, the girls have gone to school..the house was empty, and quiet.
I was still in the shop.
And then he sms me to say :
"Miss you, its very lonely to do delivery alone."
Later that evening, he came to the shop and all he could say was : "how was your day? Did the TV people give you problems? Did you have any difficult customers?"
and he went on and on asking me if my day alone in the shop was okay and whether I have eaten my lunch properly as I was busy entertaining people and I often forgot to eat. Before I could even ask him the same.
And he said to me :
"I think when I am very old, I will ask our girls to send me to the old folks home"
When I heard that, I knew what he meant, I was almost in tears but I put on a happy face and said :
"What? You want to leave me at home with our girls and be their house maid while you play Chinese chess at the home?" Of course I knew what he was trying to say..the greatest fear he had in life was that I wasn't around in our autumn years. And then he would be alone and how he used to wish that he would go first as he thinks that I can handle it without him.
When you reach this age in your life with your partner, Death is something you don't talk out loud. Its said in subtle ways, beating around the bush about it.
And then I told him "We told God many many years ago that He should take us home with Him..together. Never to leave one behind. And I still believe that it will happen this way." And so that was why when we do things without the other, our hearts ached and we felt somewhat awkward in our way.
A Valentine's Day is meant to be a happy day, to talk about love and all the nicest things you share with your better half.
For me and for Benny, we celebrate this every day. And every moment of our lives together.
Next week, from 20th to the 24th February, we will run away together..away from work, family, our girls and home. And rekindled our youthful days of being head over heels with each other..spending blissful moments..
May you all have a Blissful Valentine's Day today..and all the days of your life together..
God Bless you..