Aug 31, 2012

Those Glorious years...

Footloose Dance Sequence : Footloose movie

I stayed up last night just to watch a re-run on TV on this movie called Footloose(1984). Well, more like I stayed up just to catch the last dance scene..only to find out that its on youtube too.  And in the process found that there is a remake of the old movie..with newer songs added and possibly some changes to the script and more dance sequences..looks like I have to go and get the DVD for it now.

This movie brought back many memories for me. Bittersweet..some are happy, some are not. The year the movie was released in Singapore and the song became a hit on radio all time. I was working long hours with the now defunct Emporium Holdings. I travelled on public buses with earphones to the Sony Walkman, listening to all these 'hits'. There is Footloose by Kenny Loggins, or "Let's Hear it for the Boy" by Deniece Williams.

1984 was a year of big happenings , big milestones that shaped my life. My late granny died suddenly a year earlier..I was 21 in 1984. Sidney and I were still dating. I had a birthday celebration at home.. It wasn't anything fantastic I did. Because I was still grieving over ah ma. I just want to make ah kong happy. He was already wheelchair bound and often in tears when we gather the family together because he was reminded that his beloved wife wasn't around him. at home is often about our elders and how we should make them happy. Now I looked back in time, I am happy that we make an effort to make Ah kong happy. He passed away peacefully..

This is not intended to be a sad blog entry today. It was a year I learnt new skills, made a difference in my life and made a stand to choose to be happy forever. A year I took to grieve and to let go. The pain I felt and the tears I shed for ah Ma finally came to an end. 

I started teaching in Sunday School in our church and was graced by God for that. I spent much of my Sundays in church. Worked with young kids and got a yearning to study on Ministry to Children and got a certification on it too.  I was taking care of very young kids who are born into unhappy homes. With abusive parent or neglected families.

A year it took me to realise how blessed I was being born into a family where my parents doted on me. My relatives (aunties, uncles, grand parents, cousins, etc) are very close knit. 

A year before, my sister, my 2 cousins and I went to watch Grease at the cinema..after my granny's passing, we stopped doing those cousin with cousin outings. My uncle Andrew told me to keep the family alive by getting the younger cousins to look out for each other as it was something Ah Ma use to do. So it became a life long goal..

Several years forward, having my own girls now..I must have done something about that in the works. My niece, already an adult, would drive the family car to fetch my cousin Doreen and pick up my daughter Natasha for a night out with the girls..drinks, party in downtown Singapore to meet up with Dagmar(another one of my cousins who was visiting us from New York, USA)..

Ah ma..from where you are up there, I did it!!! 

Mind you, Natasha was under-aged at this time when this photo was taken. She was barely 16 years old. But could easily pass out as a young adult so they let her into pubs and night spots and she went drinking and partying with the girls.

The boys in the family hang out in the usual places..the elderly gather together once a month for food, chit chat and gossip on life and everything else.

Till today, I am so proud to talk about us..about our family together. Where we cared for each other, the way Ah Ma expected us to be.

A year later in 1985, I gave up on Sidney and met Benny, the love of my life and the one and only person who completes me. A friend once ask if I had the chance to live my life all over again, what choices I would have made. I would chose to meet Benny again, in fact, sooner. So that we can be together longer and earlier.

Benny and I did many things as most young people did in their age and time. We go dancing together..he was a better dancer than me. We sung all the 60s, 70s hits together too. In every facet of my life, he was there for me. And we shared common interests in life and things, in food and even in drinks.

Today, my life still  evolves around them..the people I grew up with, my family. The man I loved and continue to love. Some days I am tired and hateful of general things. And Benny senses my unhappiness and jumps to it and 'rectify' it. He would say things like "today, you don't have to go to the shop. " or "I bought fresh watermelon juice for you, no ice". I am a simple person, with very basic and simple needs. I don't need fancy lifestyle or gifts to make me happy. To live with me, you need to understand me. And no one does it better than Benny.

Nobody Does It Better Sung by Carly Simon

I hope one day in time..when I grow really old, I can tell my girls that life is better now because we dare to make a difference and make a stand to choose and find happiness for ourselves and to be happy forever.. 

Aug 20, 2012

Love me, Always

 I have NOT disappeared..just way too busy and way too tired to blog. On life, on home, on love and everything else. Since my last post, so many things have came and went. Six long knee just gave way to the pain and I couldn't walk for many days..dragging onto almost 2 months.

 I walked with a limp, at night was worse when I need to get up to go pee..I couldn't get up from the bed. I resorted to "no-drinking" of any kind of fluids, soup, whatever after 9pm. Benny was in pain too..not physically though. Mentally, spiritually just watching me wrenching in pain physically. He took me to Gleneagles Hospital to see the specialist doctor. And was supposed to go for a MRI Scan.

I was out of action for 6 weeks. I couldn't teach as I couldn't stand properly. And if I sit down, I couldn't get up without help. I wanted to go and get a walking stick and Benny would see to it that I didn't. And he said to me : 

 "Don't walk around with a stick. Because you don't need one. I will hold your hand in mine, and I will walk with you for as long as it takes." 

And that said, he held my hand and helped me up the stairs in our apartment block as we stayed on the 2nd floor. And when I get out of our car, he would come and open the door for me, and he would help me up. He would pick up my bag for me. Help me with all the little things we all took for granted. For 6 weeks, he would go out and buy food and wouldn't allow me to cook. I run classes on a limp. After weeks of taking medication, the pain slowly and surely left me. 

Now I am back to my old self..happy-go-lucky. And still, Benny by my side..our relationship became stronger than ever, like a double edged sword fought over a 1000 battles. He used to hate watching soap dramas on Channel 8. Now he spends time with me, watching silly soapy dramas with me. Not that I am into such dramas..but just want to relax, cool off my mind from work and things. 

Every day our time spent together is measuring the love we have for each other. Doing things for each other. Then my mom went ill and my sister ask me to visit her whenever I can. And before I could say anything to Benny, he suggested that all my Sundays were to be spent at for my mom. And he would drive me there to visit her and chat with her. 

So the past 2 months now..all our Sundays are spent together with my mom. And there were days he went to Johor Bahru with his ex classmates ..just to hitch a ride there as Benny had his tooth extracted from a dentist in JB. He had to go there every 3 to 4 weeks. I wouldn't go with him. But he felt a loss and somewhat strange when he went with his friends. I encourage him to have his own time with his friends. Away from me, family and work. But he is away, I felt a loss too. Some awkwardness that is difficult to describe. And when he gets back, he would tell me of that same awkwardness he felt too. We have grown accustomed to each other. To the way we do things. While we waited for each other. 

Now we do every thing together. Seeing the doctor, doing deliveries, having lunch or dinner. Watching soap dramas, packing stuff. Benny became extremely sensitive to my needs. To how I feel of things in general. He is upset or worried easily if I am upset. And if I am worried, I dare not show openly to him. He became defensive towards my needs. If anyone said anything harmful or hurtful to me, he jumps to my 'rescue'. 

 These days we talked more about growing old together and what we would do when we grow old. Of we should fill up our days should we not be working anymore. We do not know what the future holds for us..but we know we will see each other through all the days of our lives. And he told me that if I grew to be really old and couldn't walk, he would still hold my hand. 

And with that I said to him "Ben, Loving you, Always.. !"