Aug 20, 2012

Love me, Always

 I have NOT disappeared..just way too busy and way too tired to blog. On life, on home, on love and everything else. Since my last post, so many things have came and went. Six long knee just gave way to the pain and I couldn't walk for many days..dragging onto almost 2 months.

 I walked with a limp, at night was worse when I need to get up to go pee..I couldn't get up from the bed. I resorted to "no-drinking" of any kind of fluids, soup, whatever after 9pm. Benny was in pain too..not physically though. Mentally, spiritually just watching me wrenching in pain physically. He took me to Gleneagles Hospital to see the specialist doctor. And was supposed to go for a MRI Scan.

I was out of action for 6 weeks. I couldn't teach as I couldn't stand properly. And if I sit down, I couldn't get up without help. I wanted to go and get a walking stick and Benny would see to it that I didn't. And he said to me : 

 "Don't walk around with a stick. Because you don't need one. I will hold your hand in mine, and I will walk with you for as long as it takes." 

And that said, he held my hand and helped me up the stairs in our apartment block as we stayed on the 2nd floor. And when I get out of our car, he would come and open the door for me, and he would help me up. He would pick up my bag for me. Help me with all the little things we all took for granted. For 6 weeks, he would go out and buy food and wouldn't allow me to cook. I run classes on a limp. After weeks of taking medication, the pain slowly and surely left me. 

Now I am back to my old self..happy-go-lucky. And still, Benny by my side..our relationship became stronger than ever, like a double edged sword fought over a 1000 battles. He used to hate watching soap dramas on Channel 8. Now he spends time with me, watching silly soapy dramas with me. Not that I am into such dramas..but just want to relax, cool off my mind from work and things. 

Every day our time spent together is measuring the love we have for each other. Doing things for each other. Then my mom went ill and my sister ask me to visit her whenever I can. And before I could say anything to Benny, he suggested that all my Sundays were to be spent at for my mom. And he would drive me there to visit her and chat with her. 

So the past 2 months now..all our Sundays are spent together with my mom. And there were days he went to Johor Bahru with his ex classmates ..just to hitch a ride there as Benny had his tooth extracted from a dentist in JB. He had to go there every 3 to 4 weeks. I wouldn't go with him. But he felt a loss and somewhat strange when he went with his friends. I encourage him to have his own time with his friends. Away from me, family and work. But he is away, I felt a loss too. Some awkwardness that is difficult to describe. And when he gets back, he would tell me of that same awkwardness he felt too. We have grown accustomed to each other. To the way we do things. While we waited for each other. 

Now we do every thing together. Seeing the doctor, doing deliveries, having lunch or dinner. Watching soap dramas, packing stuff. Benny became extremely sensitive to my needs. To how I feel of things in general. He is upset or worried easily if I am upset. And if I am worried, I dare not show openly to him. He became defensive towards my needs. If anyone said anything harmful or hurtful to me, he jumps to my 'rescue'. 

 These days we talked more about growing old together and what we would do when we grow old. Of we should fill up our days should we not be working anymore. We do not know what the future holds for us..but we know we will see each other through all the days of our lives. And he told me that if I grew to be really old and couldn't walk, he would still hold my hand. 

And with that I said to him "Ben, Loving you, Always.. !"

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