Jan 9, 2011
Been There, Done That!
I Left my Heart at San Francisco sung by Tony Bennett
So many times you have heard someone say : " Yes, I been there and done that!". I have always wanted to be like that..to say to someone that I have been there and done this or that. At least I tried my best to live my life to the fullest and the best I can be and without any regrets. That I have been there and done that. Even if it was unsuccessful, at least I can look back in wonder and be thankful that I was given the chance to do so.
Ever since I started this journey to teach outside my home, my days are filled with only work. I don't have time for family or for my friends. Which is something I treasured dearly. Despite having to run the retail shop, I was able to find time to sit back and relax sometimes and juggle time with my girls and Benny too.
The last straw came on Christmas Eve, a celebration we have at home with our extended family. I was tired and drained and my Uncle Daniel saw it through me. And he gave me sound advice on how I should tackle it. Even when I was having Roast turkey and baked salmon, I was thinking about work. My mind couldn't rest, though my body was weak, I couldn't sleep well at all.
But it is also thru this journey I found a soul mate which I thought was just my better half in many ways. Benny has always supported me in each and every way and every step I take in all my dealings with everyone outside. He knew me inside out and possibly more than I thought he would. He told me not to go ahead with the project to teach outside and I wouldn't listen to him.
I told him : "Let me try. If I succeed, I knew you will be credited for this. If I don't, at least I know I tried and I can leave the City of Regrets behind."
And true enough, I didn't succeed. I spent all my time struggling and making things work. I spent so much time pleasing everyone and in the end I neglected my shop which is the life line that holds us together.
Like a burden lifted off my shoulders, I decided to call it Quits with my project with Robinsons. Suddenly, my asthma just disappeared, my sleepless and unrestful sleep that eludes me for months left me too. I was able to sleep better each night at 12 midnight instead of 3 am or 4am each day.
I lost my fire and my 'fizz' in the things I do and I didn't realise it till Benny tells me. Above all, the last straw came when I couldn't be there when Melody needed me to go and buy shoes and stuff when school reopens early this week. Last school holidays which stretch from mid November to end December, I didn't spend a day with her just to go to the movies or just hung out with her to do our Mother and Daughter thing.
And she said to me "Mommy, it is okay. I know you are busy. I just go with Jie Jie..."
It tore me inside out. And I felt so upset about it. And when I look back, I realised that even in my most busy periods in 2009 with Christmas and New Year, I found time to spend with Melody at the movies, just to do window shopping or even just to eat junk food with her.
And she felt the pinch too..and a loving child I have, she followed me to one of my classes at Robinsons. The so called make up lost time we have is make up at Robinsons.
That's me...on the left and my dear Melody by my side...
And Natasha helped me by running the shop for me whenever I teach. My 2 daughters are the BEST. And I thank God for them all the time. In more ways than none, my priority in life evolves around them.
I will continue with my classes at home..and possibly at Robinsons too. As and when they needed me. Its not goodbye, but good bye for now and see you later again..