Jan 28, 2011

Chances are...

Chances Are sung by Vonda Shepherd and Robert Downing Jr from the drama serial "Ally McBeal"

I thought I would never be able to talk about this ever again. A blast from the past came back to me recently while talking to a friend about failed marriages and the break down in such.

Many many years ago, when I just started coming out to work after leaving school. I just finished my 'A' Levels exams and started work in a large multi-national company in Singapore. I was in IT or back then it was called EDP which stands for Electronic Data Processing. In today's terms, its just Computing..! I worked late shifts and because the company I was with was in retailing. We had to visit the stores by night after the store has closed for the day. I had to deal with the security and make friends with them so I don't have to surrender my IC name to them and fill up so many forms just to stay in the store after store hours.

In the midst of my work, I met him. I shall leave his name out here on my blog. And I shall just call him here as MrX or Mr X. He was an ex-cop with the Singpaore Police Force. He wasn't that old a man to retire but he decided to leave the Force while he was in his early 40s so he could still find work outside.

He runs and heads the Security Dept in our company. I had to get his approval in writing to be at different stores by night every week. Its thru this I met him and befriended him. MrX, by and large was a good man. Work-wise, he goes by the book and followed all the proper protocols in work. Off duties, he was fun to be around with. Jovial and funny, all around nice guy. All the ladies in the company liked him.

When the company opened a new store, he and I are like partners in crime..we were seen working side by side. He checks on store's security, I check on all the computers and security to prevent theft, staff pilferage, etc. Its inevitable that our friendship grew from just office colleagues to a new level.

He started dating me. At that time, I wasn't with anyone or have not met Sidney either. So I was young, single and AVAILABLE!! We went out on a group with the office crew..for lunch or dinner. And went on single dates with each other after work. He would see me safely home after each store's visit which is often after midnight.

But somehow, something wasn't right. I just couldn't put a finger to it..so I ask my mom. She said that even boyfriends came from God. That I should seek God and ask if this is the one for me. And so I did...prayed about it for days and weeks over it. At the same time, I enjoyed the time we spent together.

Then it had to happened...my supervisor (a guy) told me he saw MrX with a woman and a young child. They seemed to be quite close and he carried the kid for a while. And joked and laughed with the woman. They were seen in one of our retail stores. So one night I ask MrX about this.. he was taken aback and a bit shocked. And then he said :

"Oh...that's my sister with my nephew. They came to the store to buy things and needed my staff card for Staff Discount. My nephew is very close to me. Whenever I see him, I would carry him. "

And so I believed him. And I apologised to him for mistaking it as something else. After that incident, I stopped listening to such 'rumours' about him from my supervisor. Because at the same time, my supervisor had a crush on me too. So I would like to think that he is saying things to hurt us.

But because we didn't want the whole company to tease us, we kept our relationship private. Outside the office, after office hours. We would be seen leaving the office at different times and end up meeting each other at a central location. This went on for a few months.

Until one day I happened to be in the office early in the morning and got to hear 'things'. The office girls were in the store and they were all gossipping about MrX. So I went to eavesdrop on their conversation. In the midst of it all, I heard that he is applying for a 2 weeks leave from work, bringing his wife and son for a cruise to the Maldives. I was shocked with disbelief and I still wanted to think that people are saying things to hurt me.

So I started to do my own mini investigation. I ask around..and to my horror, I found out that MrX was indeed a married man with a loving wife and a young son aged 4 years old.

So I plucked up all my courage and confronted him. And then he said :

"I love my wife and my son. I would never leave them. My fling with you is just something I call a break from home and from work. I have never intended for us to be together for life. And you wouldn't have gone out with me if you haven't had a certain liking for me. And you are not a kid or under aged in any way. Should we end up in bed, its consensual.. and I didn't force you to do anything"

ok...a step backwards..What do you think I did?

I slapped him hard. And I remembered telling him this:

"You are a coward and a bastard! You cheated on your wife the moment you lust over another woman. You also cheated me of my feelings. How can you say you loved your wife when you are going out with me? I should have listen to my supervisor. I heard things about you and confronted you. Remember? If you are truthful to your wife and to me and you never intended to hurt me, you should have come clean about your marriage and your wife and son. But instead you told me a lie."

And I stopped seeing him soon after and I also apologised to my supervisor for not believing in him.

After this incident, I became extremely wary of men in general. I buried myself in my work and stopped going out or saw anyone that was of the opposite sex. And even if I did, it was just fun and play and I couldn't bring myself to have any feelings for any guy.

If I have not met Sidney, I would have not met Benny either. It was Sidney who brought some hope in me that Love is still a many Splendid thing.

And so now when I look back, I see that all these things happened for a reason. It happened so that I learnt. So that I know. My conscious is clear. Involving with a married man is the greatest taboo as a Christian. I surrendered to God the day I found out MrX was married. And I ask that God forgive me. It took me many years to come into grips with that. Because I was a staunch Christian and to be with a married man was not something I am proud of.

But God kept me safe and He kept me from making more mistakes. So when I met Sidney and later Benny, I had to be sure. But God has blessed me with Benny. Who kept his promise to me to be true and honest. I think I did great in God's eyes. Because He gave me Benny.

ps.. I was only 18 years old when I met MrX.


KWF said...

You don't have to feel ashamed or bad about it coz you're not the one who lied. You did the right thing to break up immediately with that bastard (pardon my language :P).

Gina Choong said...

KWF : Bastard is the word I used too. I know of many who are caught in the same situation like me. Some walk away, some just went on with the relationship thinking its just a fling, not asking for anything more. But I prefer to leave because I don't want this to happen to me. Because the Bible says "Do unto others what you wants others to do to you". In our chinese culture, we also believe in retribution. I don't want this to happen to me, so I took a step to stop this relationship when I found out what happen.