Apr 22, 2010

Chilli in my Rojak...Part 3

Alone again, Naturally Sung by Gilbert Sullivan

I met someone who was recently divorced. She was someone who used to buy bakeware from me before I started the shop.

When I started KC store, she still prefers to visit me at home but my home is now at the store. She told me about the divorce and the bitterness it left her high and dry. She was frustrated and bitter with her ex. Time and again, he cheated on her. And enough was enough, she told me. She filed for divorce and took their only child with her.

She offered to work for me at the store. But I declined. My reasons for her was I already had one staff with me. That's Willie, my brother-in-law. Though he may not be very knowledgeable with baking and stuff, he is someone I can trust to leave the store to when I am away.

The other reason I didn't tell her was her bitterness. Until she let it go, I find it hard to have her work for me.

She was utterly bitter with herself, her life and its also the past she cannot let go. Its only when you loved so much and get hurt all the time, it will take forever to heal. She loved her ex-husband alot more than she could comprehend. Which she kept saying "I don't love him. He's a bastard!". Feeling betrayed and cheated so many times, she just couldn't let it go.

On the phone, we talked and I became her punching bag. She would 'scold' me and 'yell' at me. Venting her frustrations in every word, every sentence she said.

I remembered being like that when I left Sidney. I was bitter and unhappy all the time. My best friend, Suzie became my punching bag too. But no matter what, I only let out things about me, about him or about us. I never said things that would hurt Suzie.

However, this lady was different. She said alot of things to me. Just because I told her I am alone in my shop. Usually Benny comes after work to help me to close shop and drives me home. Sometimes he brings me out to have supper after the shop closes. But some days he had to attend dinners by friends or company, then he cannot come and help me.

She said :

"Gina, don't trust him on this. He is cheating on you. He is spending time with other women. And make sure you check his clothes. There will be smells of sweet perfume or lipstick stains somewhere! All MEN are idiots. "

That was a terrible thing to say to someone..anyone whom you do not know very well. Just because yours didn't work out, it doesn't mean that mine is the same like yours too!

And she went on to say how Benny would cheat on me. All the usual lies MEN are very good in telling. After they have slept with other women, they come home and behaved like angels. Bring their wives out for dinner or are extra loving.

She keep saying "He is cheating on you. You are so stupid not to feel it or see it."

I really felt like hitting her..I think this clipart of this Angry, Frowning Caveman says it all!

To be frank, it never did crossed my mind. Never ever ONCE. I never thought that Benny would cheat on me. And I think Benny would never thought the same about me when I used to work late every other night at the office.

To many who are hurt, broken and unhappy with their marriages, their spouses, they all tell the same story. That they thought they could trust each other, but each time, they are betrayed. I guess when your world crumbles, everything you say is very negative.

I can live with that. And understand that. I still like to think that Sidney was a good man. But not good enough for me. He is happily married a year before Benny and I finally marry. He left Singapore with his wife, Alexandra. And yes, I do know about that too! And spoken to the happy bride. I never get to meet Alexandra because they are leaving the country to return to Britain to visit her side of the family.

But its important that while we are hurting, we shouldn't hurt the ones who gave us support and care.

And to think that I have lived a part of my life meeting all kinds of people, I met someone who was so bitter that she breathes bitterness to others too.

Its often too easy to absorb that and to think the same for ourselves too. And no matter what I say or try to say to her, she just couldn't accept. Until she let it go, she will continue to be bitter and sore. There is more to life than this, we all know. This is one time that one should pick up a new skill, try a different kind of food or make new friends and move on.

Dwelling on the past makes you more bitter. Life goes on. To my friend, PM, I hope you healed soon. Its when you let it go, then you can heal completely and move on with life. He may not be the one for you, and its not the end of the world yet. Unfortunately, life isn't fair. It never is. But we can make the best of it and the best comes from within.

God Bless you...

End of Part 3..


Tania said...

Sorry that your friend was insensitive and mean to you. Some people might have had bad experiences and we should empathise and offer our shoulders to cry on...but some people are mean enough to wish the same bad experiences on others just 'cos they are jealous or cynical...then those people we should really keep away as far as possible.

Gina Choong said...

Tania, its sad that she has to feel like that all the time. But its very tiring for me to listen to her. There were moments I wanted to just hung up the phone. She kept saying terrible things to me..not about her life, but instigated that mine was worth spying and checking to see that Benny is cheating on me.