Apr 15, 2010
Do you love me?
Thanks to all who have written to me about my "Love Is..." series. While many shared with me their love stories, others told me they are disillusioned about their marriage life.
This song from the Musical "Fiddler on the roof" seems appropriate for this. Many times our spouses show their love in the things they do. Not in lovey dovey ways or roses or chocolates or a special gifts. We live in this rat race, raising our children, making sure our parents are taken care of, we never took time to look and care for each other beyond that.
I guess I was very blessed with Benny. Who shows his love and devotion to me all these years. In simple ways he know of. He is not a man of many words or the sort who whispers sweet nothings.
I believe that all of us have our better halves who does little things like that. So little and so petty that we overlooked it sometimes. So if you start to wonder if he loves you or not, or does she care for you ever? Yes, he does, she does. But not maybe in the way Benny does for me. Or Edward Cullen(from Twilight saga) cares for Bella Swan nor Romeo with Juliet. But yes..we all showed our love in different ways.
I remember many years ago, I used to wonder if Benny loves me as much as he used to. Natasha was only 4 years old. I just survived a surgery and was home. He seems to be distant and all he does was everything for the family as a whole.
I remember having quarrelled hard and fast with him. And I moved out! I packed my bag and was ready to leave the house. All he did was to stand outside the door. And when he came in to talk to me, I thought to myself:
"Oh good..he is trying to stop me.."
But lo! No. He said:
"I think you need to pack an alarm clock with you. Because you always have problems waking up in strange places"
And I just bolted out of the house. And stood downstairs to wait for my uncle to come and rescue me.
It started to rain...so I stood at the staircase landing below our apartment.
He came down with an umbrella, and I thought he was remorseful over what he said previously. But he said:
"Its raining, you better take an umbrella. If you catch a cold, your asthma will be difficult and won't be able to sleep tonight"
I got even more angry with him. Why?
Because I expected something more. I expected him to say sorry and at least for once try to win me back. But instead, he encourage me to leave.
My uncle came and drove me to his place and I stayed there for a few days. And went to work as per normal. It was SC, my ex boss who told me to see this in different perspective and it was then I saw that he really cared for me and loved me all the same.
It is his way of showing his affections. He didn't want to argue with me and he felt that the best way was to agree with me with what I planned to do.
He tried to win me back by sending flowers and a card to the office. He didn't dare to ring me at the office. So he rang my uncle and ask about me.
When I stayed with my uncle, I was miserable. I missed home, Natasha and him..why?
And with the many things he tried to do since I left, I realised that I am forcing him to be someone he is not. He is not the romantic guy. Nor the kind who sends flowers and a card which are automatically signed or labelled as "Sorry". And I knew I expected just a little too much for someone who never expected anything from me. But I was willing to do things for him. So I couldn't blame anyone but myself for this.
So, again I packed my bags. And this time, I went home. And since that day, I never expected more. And I know deep in my heart that he has ALWAYS LOVED ME. In ways unknown to me, in ways he knew BEST.
May this post be an encouragement to all who stumbled on my blog and read all my "Love Is..." posts. Love isn't a bed of roses all the time. Some thorns here and there. We pricked our fingers sometimes when we are not careful. But it heals. And the next time we picked roses again, we are more careful. And we still are able to enjoy Roses..the way it is..thorns and all.
Look hard, and look deep. Your better half loves you. He/she really does.