Apr 11, 2010

Love Is... Part 14

"Where Do I Begin?" sung by Andy Williams
Theme song from the movie "Love Story"

Where do i begin
To tell the story
Of how greater love can be
The sweet love story
That is older than the sea
That sings the truth about the love she brings to me
Where do i start

With the first hello
She gave the meaning
To this empty world of mine
That never be
Another love another time
She came into my life
And made a living fine
She fills my heart

She fills my heart
With very special things
With angel songs
With wild imaginings
She fills my soul
With so much love
That anywhere i go
I'm never lonely
With her along who could be lonely
I reach for her hand
Its always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much i can say
I know ill need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there...

There seems to be no end to my stories. But I want to talk about something else today. Remembering an old movie I once watched with my classmates. A sad movie. I think many of us who lived in that age and time would remember this movie.

My friends and I cried at the movie. We came out of the cinema with swollen eyes, sniffling noses. Such a tear jerker. I never knew somewhere down the way...Benny went to watch this same movie with his friends too.

I remember when we were dating, I suggested we go to the movies.

And he said "I'll watch any movie with you except all the Love story type." Its then he told me about "Love Story". He said it was very 'negative' and very sad ending. Since then, he never liked such movies because its very painful to watch he said.

But I know too many friends who lived the life in the story like the characters played in the "Love Story". Real life instances. Its not a nice feeling to have. Knowing that you loved deeply and lost it forever. Some people take some time to heal, while others never did heal, unfortunately.

Many times in our lives together, Benny and me, there were occasions where I fell really sick and was hospitalised. He is reminded somehow of "Love Story" endings. I remembered I was once in a stage of comatose and lying in bed in the hospital. My sister told me that Benny cried at my bedside. Natasha was still very young, around 3 or 4 years old. She said Benny just hit his head against the wall, in tears.

Everyone prayed for my recovery. A year later, I was in the hospital again. For years, Benny's prayers for me was always about health. He often told me we can be poor and have little to eat. But we have to be healthy.

When we started the shop, I worked non stop. I even fell sick prior before opening. I had a high fever shooting up to 40 Deg C. He was worried for me and he told me that when he see how much I had to work, he felt a pain in his heart.

These days he would take leave from work and rested fully at home on a weekday so that I can take my time off from the running of the shop on weekends.

He never talk about the movie again. But I knew he feared that stories can become real. Like with Oliver and Jennifer..(from the movie).

I once worked for a regional director who had the same love story retold. In this case, she lived to tell me the story. Her late husband died in the hospital. It was really painful for her and she told me how she coped and they had a daughter. And for that reason, she dreaded hospitals. The smell, the sounds of medical equipment dragging on the floors and white uniforms the medical team wore.

I worked with her for 4 years. Benny knew about her because I told him about it. Whenever we meet over company dinners or functions, we never talked about the past. Seeing how much it hurts her. It took her a very long time to heal.

She had to leave the country just to forget him. Even so, it wasn't easy. Some 17 years later, she seemed to have move on. We are still very much in touch with each other. When I left my job with her, she cried for us. It then she told me how much I have helped her to heal. The things I do for her. And those little messages I left on her table on Monday mornings.

And she said once "Gina, you are like a guardian angel. If I am happy or sad, you are the only one who knew and understand" And I remembered telling her "SC, it is God's plan we meet. To help to cope."

Remember that "God's Pocket" I use to have? The one I bought for my daughter Natasha? I bought one for SC too.

SC dreaded weekends at home. Alone in the house while her daughter was at school or some school activity. She buried herself in her work. Over time, she went out to watch drama and plays in Singapore. She was never a window shopper.

She use to dread birthdays too. While we tried to make her feel better, we often make a big drama out of everything. Having fun all the way.

When she shifted houses after the lease expired, what she finds most difficult to pack was his things. For the years she lived here in Singapore, his things are still in boxes. She never unpacked them.

Years after knowing her, I met Sis Seok Buay and Pastor Kim San..the very people why and how I started Kitchen Capers for. And sis SB is still coping, Boon's stuff are still in boxes.

You should never stopped loving someone but you should also learn to let go. Its only when you let go, then happiness will dwell within you again.

For SC, she can never forget him. But its wonderful memories left by him for her that lives in her heart now. That was what I wanted for her..my friend, my confidante and my ex-boss.

For Sister Seok Buay, I can only continue to pray and healing takes a longer road.

If you have known someone or yourself going through pain these way, its time to be there for them.

This is also the end of my Love Is series. Its sad that I should end it like this. But this is life..while Benny and I loved each other dearly, we never loose sight of those who needed love and care and concern.

Like I said and written here so many times

Love isn't Love till you give it away...

God Bless you..

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