Mar 28, 2010
Love Is... Part 6
Before meeting me, Benny had someone too. A girl he met at work. Not really office romance. But a friend of his staff, met during an office party. They dated a fair bit. Something that Benny never like to tell me about. It was difficult to make him tell me. I wanted to know..everything. Like I would tell him about Sidney.
But to Benny, that's history, past. It mattered no more now. He has ME now. That was all that matters now. Guess that is why its often said and heard that Men are from Mars and Women came from Venus.
But in his own words, he said that he often thought his ex was what Love is all about. But he was a jealous monster all the time. His ex girlfriend was always in the limelight of advertising for media. I won't relate much what she used to do. Just like I won't say online what Sidney used to do for a living. Other than the fact he became a full time missionary later on.
His ex would provoke him all the time, pushed him to the limits. While they dated, she would 2 timed him and dated other guys. And tell him she loved only him but she needed space to be with her friends who loved the work she does. Benny was a quiet man. He never expected much and only ask that she respected their love and be there for him only.
The final straw came when his friends told him they saw her with someone else, not just going out. But holding hands, in that intimacy that lovers should be.
He said it ended very quickly. At least in his eyes.. 6 months that's it. After that, he stopped dating anyone. There were other women who came into his life and walk out without leaving a trace. Some women he dated, never left any impression. Although there was one lady, whom he liked. But they never had the chance to progress further because she moved house and lost contact when he was busy building his career in retailing. He kept late nights, work hard to climb that all too familiar corporate ladder we all know of.
Then he lost her...due to his work. His late nights. He couldn't see her as often as he could. She left him.
And then when he met me, he said his head was spinning all the time. He missed me soon after we parted after a group date. And his heart hurts when he send me home and walked home from Kallang Bahru to St George's Road where he stayed. Even just to hear me, was enough for him.
Then he knew what Love really meant to be. All the past were just phrases in his life. It was meant to be only when he met me. A rush of adrenaline came whenever he was to meet me. He said he never had that kind of feeling before. Never with any of the girls he used to date.
You know..I didn't feel the same when I met him. It took me a while to know to realise that I have fallen in love with him. I blamed this all on Sidney. I couldn't heal as well as I thought I could. I guess men are made very differently. They could just snapped out of it. Whereas, we are such love-sick fools. But then I need to be sure. I need to know its love I had for him. Not a surrogate or a new punching bag for my pain.
Sometimes I wonder if Love continues after marriage. I remembered a friend told me that love is beautiful, as long as you are not married. Once you marry him, the flame dies after a while. It really frightens me. This friend is married and had a child. She told me that her love life has not been easy. Raising kids, tending to the house, etc etc..taken a toll on their relationship.
I hate to think of the consequences of ours in time to come. So I told Benny. I told him my fears. I don't want this to end. We must make sure we stay like this..dreamy state of lovingness for as long as we breathe.
So we started a pact with each other. That we tell each other how much we loved and adored each other every day. And Benny wasn't that lovey-dovey sort of guy. He wasn't the romantic sort. But more of a man of action. He expresses through the things he do. And that was what I loved him most for. In his quiet and subtle way, his love showed and poured out in buckets.
He popped the question one day. It wasn't a clear day or a rainy day. It wasn't a special day. Just another day we had spent together. In a casual way. That was no roses or ring. No bending on knees and no show of stars that night.
He just said "You marry me, can?" And I replied "ok lor..can. " And yes, in Singlish all the way!
That was almost 3 months after we met. Benny never told his family about us. Until that day. But his family guessed he was upto something. He goes to 'work' in Palmer shirts instead of his long sleeves shirt on Sunday. He comes home every night, washed up and ring someone and never talked. Just sit there and listen and listen and listen. So they wondered who he was listening to.
After I told him "ok", he brought me to meet his family. And soon, he brought me out to meet all his friends. And wherever we went, he told people that I was his wife. He stopped calling me "Gina". But called me "My wife". And I know I didn't bring him anywhere to meet anyone. Except my family of course.
And I also wanted him to meet Siew K. Siew K was my ex colleague and my mentor for years. I looked up to her alot. She was my superior in my old job. Of work, I turn to her. Of love, I go to her too. For reassurance. So when I finally said Yes to Benny, Siew K was the only friend I had, that I must introduce them together.
I remembered that day so clearly. Benny booked a table at a restaurant at Cairnhill Hotel. I took that opportunity to share photos with Siew K of our Malacca trip. And given the chance for Siew K to 'survey' my new love. After a sumptous lunch, Siew K said "Gina, I need to go to the wash room..and come with me"
The usuals..we women do, just to gossip. Always have to be inside the wash room!
Siew K said to me, and I will always remembered this :
"Gina, he loves you alot. I can see that. I am very happy for you. You followed your heart. So when are you inviting me to your wedding dinner?"
After lunch, we parted and I told Benny what Siew K said to me. And Benny smiled. And he said "Of course and always!"
I was also a workaholic like Benny. So when I met him, I was worried that he couldn't accept that part of me. Only to find out later, he was like me too. Another workaholic. So he understood why I had to work and be away from him for some time. So we mapped out our days to see each other and yet find time to do our daily work without offending our bosses.
I suggested that we took to buses as public transport instead of the taxi. He didn't want me to take buses. Because he thinks its not as comfortable as a ride in a taxi..with it fully aircon and comfortable sofa seats. So I had find an excuse like
"oh..but it meant our journey home will be longer..and gives us more time to be with each other. A taxi meant that I go home in 15 mins, our day has ended. A bus trip is 30 mins or 45 mins."
Even when we dated, Benny never allowed me to feel short changed, he paid for everything. Food, movies, rides on the buses or even on taxi. If I had to go shopping with my friends, he would give me the money for it.
And I told him all the shortcomings about myself. That I was spoilt silly by my mom. I can't COOK or BAKE or IRon my own clothes. I don't know how to cook Maggi noodles or boil water. I am hopeless. And he said "Never mind, I can always learn. If not, we can always eat out or eat our parent's place"
You know, they say that Love Changes things..I know it changes me.
What you see of me today now..the cook, the baker is because of the love I have for Benny. All the moments of my life with him in it. What I am today is a result of the love he had for me. That was the least I could do for him. Because he loved to eat..not just food. But food cooked by the one he loves. Although I told him I can't cook, he insisted that it doesn't matter.
End of Part 6...