Love Is... Part 8

I woke up really early today. I had to leave the house by 9:00am as my appointment is at 10am. And though I said I may not be able to write today, I think I really should.

How often do you have a virtual friend who turns into a real friend and who in turn comes back to read your blog daily and give you encouragement for the day?

This song is dedicated to me..by Tony. Thanks Tony..it really is a beautiful song. I am not so crazy about John Denver because he sang most of the country westerns. Although there were a few here and there. But I found a better version of this song at youtube.



I remembered when I was working for Jardine Fleming some years back, my colleague and also Director, Bob.Z used to drag us out for food and wine. Mostly we felt he wanted to drink during office hours and needed an excuse for it. We had a good month that year, so again Bob.Z took the whole department out for good Italian food and wine. While everyone was slightly tipsy, Bob.Z played a game with us.

He said "I want everyone to play. You are not allowed to excuse yourself. Here's how it goes:

If you have the chance to start your life all over again, what would you do or choose to be and why?

Knowing him, he's probably drunk by now. So he started the ball rolling by answering first:

"I want to come back as a woman. Why? Because I want to know what it is like when my husband have S** with me. All the oohs..and and the ahhhs"

I remembered that there are 10 of us at the table. While many joked and laughed about it. Many are serious enough and gave much thought to what they think they wanted to do. When the turn comes to me, without a shadow of doubt I said this:

"I want to come back as myself. As me. With all my insecurities and all that is with me now. Why? If I have lived my life now and passed on. And when I come back as myself, I hope to meet Benny sooner. And marry him all over again."

And Bob.Z said "Well, he may not want to come back as himself, so you may not find him!" But because he was drunk and he's my boss...I just starred at him and laughed it out.

But it causes me to wonder and to think. Then I turn to God and ask why He made me go through pain and meeting so many people just to come to Benny finally. Then God showed me that if I have never met these people then I would never appreciate what I have now. And that I will never learn to be someone special for Benny.

So take heart..for every pain and tribulations you have gone through and still going through now. It has to come to an end eventually. If I have never lived the life I had as a child, as an adult, then I wouldn't have understood how fragile life is. How vulnerable love is. And when I thought about this, I remembered one time that Benny said to me:

"If only we have met earlier,we would be in love for a longer time. And l waited so long for someone like you to come along."

When I gave much thought again to what he said, I realised that God planned that I should meet Benny much later. Because the work I used to do and the work he was doing back then, there WERE many occasions we could have met. I was in Retailing..in computing. He was in Retailing too. But he was in the operations. In my work, I had to visit retail stores that were using the same kind of computers and equipment. Including our competitors. At the level of computing..to learn because I was still under-studying. I had to make an appointment with the Operations managers to visit the store..I would have met Benny back then. Before I met Sidney.



And it was not in the scheme of things nor God's final plan that I was to meet him in such situations. Both of us have to go through life's insecurities to come to know what to expect and what to hope for in the end.

So I end this post today with the song by John Denver, "Perhaps Love". Here's the lyrics :

(Placido Domingo)
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

(John Denver)
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

(Placido Domingo)
Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel

(John Denver)
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go

(John Denver)
And some say love is everything
Some say they don't know

(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you